Girl child, rise and soar and win!

Today is the international day of the girl child. Today is the day dedicated to this amazing beautiful and incredible specie of the humans. The girl child. Today we recall our commitment towards making the life of a girl child important, appreciated and visible. Today is the day we re establish our commitment towards ending child marriage, eradicating female genital mutilation and other harmful cultural practices. Girl child, today is your day. 

As a child, as a girl child not many years ago, I faced no threats of child marriage or fgm or any sort of harmful cultural practice. As I girl child, I wa taught to be clever, to speak my mind and encouraged to excel. I was no ordinary girl child among my peers. Ask them. I was always reminded that I own my life and what I decide to do affects me the most. God bless my grandmothers soul, she groomed this girl child to a woman she is is today.

A woman who understands that a girl child still faces many challenges even in this day. A woman who takes women’s and girls rights and welfare at heart. A girl who forgets and forgoes her privileges. A woman who appreciates the battles worn but those before her in order for her to be where she is. A woman willing to uplift fellow girl children. 

But girl child, today is your day. Girl child, we want to see you rise. Rise without reservations or fear. We want to see you soar. Even among the highest of tides. Girl child, we want to see you win. Even if you must win each and every race or battle, win. Even when they call you ‘too much’ ‘too arrogant’, win. Girl child, today is your day. I promise to you, that I will always be for you and work for you. You are loved and appreciated girl child, rise, soar and win. ❤️

‘Chaos appears. Happiness too’

I was reading some posts while waiting to board my flight back home, Malawi. I had just had an amazing time in Pretoria, met my old friends, made new friends, presented my first academic paper and all sorts. I needed this. I’ve been telling myself all year that I have to escape the chaos in Malawi, even for just a day. I swear this my country can make you go crazy, but I guess thats what keeps me going most times. So anyway, back to the post I was reading, cant remember by who but must be one of the blogs I follow. I read, ‘ chaos appears. Happiness too. They swing back and forth like a pixel -forged pendulum from the chrono trigger. This is the nature of our existence’, and I thought boooyah! That is exactly what I feel about my life now. Perfect description.  A pendulum swinging back and forth between chaos and happiness. Its amazing. Its fascinating.

Its amazing how much forgiveness can change change you. Holding on to anger and resentment, which used to be my favourite thing, holds and keeps you away from experiencing the happiness you truly deserve. I let that pendulum swing me back to happiness.

Its amazing how life becomes more exciting when you accept that certain things will never change or happen.

It truly becomes amazing when you realise how much potential you have and how far reaching your actions can be.

I may appear to be someone confident in myself, I try. But everytime I am faced with a challenge, insecurities step in. I begin to doubt even the simplest things about myself. Its scary. During my presentation, I tried to keep a straight face, avoid eye contact with the audience and the whole time all I could think was how stupid some girls paper was 2 year’s ago when I had to attend a similar conference. I mean….i didn’t want to mess up at all and I had to be my own toughest judge. But I enjoyed the experience, its a beginning of more. The teaching and learning of human rights is so much fun I want to do it all my life!

PS: I paid ispa a surprise visit today as I was already in the hood. The boy, great smile, happy to see me. I last saw him is it 4 years ago. Could be more, but nothing has really changed between us. Same stories. Same disagreements. Same feelings. Same confusions and same concerns. Most Importantly, true friendship. At least on my part. ♥

While in the middle of all the chaos, let the pendulum swing you to happiness. Let it swing you back and forth, sometimes its the chaos that keeps us sane and focused. Amidst chaos is sometimes where you find true meaning to what you are about. Amidst chaos is where you can see the beauty of life. But child, dont forget to be happy. Happiness makes you glow, gives you control. Happiness and chaos. Back and forth.

And happy birthday to my girl diipsy. A perfect definition of happy and chaos….xx

I love elephants!

Some weeks ago, I needed some of my documents commissioned so I went to the lawyers next door. One of the lawyers there is a former classmate so it is my usual habit to pop up un announced, sometimes even just for a chat. So I find my colleague busy scribbling something, at the same time looking like hes hurrying off somewhere. ‘Whats the rush counsel,  calm down’ I said while pulling out my documents. He doesn’t look up to me and just flips the documents and signs where he was supposed to and stamps them real quick. I was still curious. So I ask again, and this time I get a response,  ‘I’m chasing a bail application for one of our clients, the guy was caught with ivory.‘ I was like ‘haha!, let the guy rot in jail, ivory trade is illegal….those poor dead elephants’. He frowned and said, ‘this is work pachalo, and this is money’. We both laughed and I left his office. In my mind, I hoped that whoever was found with the ivory remained in jail.
Personally, I would not be comfortable to represent persons who have been accused of certain crimes. These are crimes like rape, defilement, sexual assaults, ivory trade, drugs, er no. I have strong feelings about some of these issues that I am unable to be impartial. Where one is accused of rape, my initial thought is, guilty. So one has to be proved innocent. Thats in my eyes. And this is why I will never be a judge.
Ivory trade is sickening. Killing a whole elephant or rhino or whatever animal just for their body part is cruel, evil and unfair. Whoever said that humans are superior over all other living things bestowed this problem on us. I can’t imagine what human beings would do if we turned out to be the primary source of food or survival of some animal. My point is, leave these wild animals alone, they have an equal right to exist on this planet as you and I.
But the story doesn’t end here.
Fast forward 7 days later, I’m at the court premises to file some documents. The place is usually packed with mostly women and their children. So I wasn’t surprised to see a little girl run towards me. As she got closer I recognised her face, one of my close friends, his daughter. I quickly stopped the little girl and asked where her mother was, shes 2 so she just run back to her mom without saying a thing. I ask her mother what sort of crime she had committed to be found here, I thought she was joking when she said, ‘ your brother (this close friend of mine) was found in possession of ivory last week. He pleaded guilty and will be sentenced today, but we are hoping for a fine’.
I couldn’t believe it. Not my brother. Not my friend. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. ‘This ivory was his’ I asked the wife.
‘No it wasn’t, it was (some troublesome person I know). Your brother was hired to deliver to the buyer, the buyer who turned out to be the police’. I laughed. She wasn’t laughing. I thought of her hoping to get a suspended sentence and a fine, I laughed (now in my heart). I don’t see any reasonable court doing that.
When I went to see my friend in the police cell, he was already lookiing like a criminal. That humble, nice looking and clean guy had blended in well with his current surroundings. I just told him to be strong, I also told him he wasn’t going to get a suspended sentence. It’s not possible. He couldn’t believe me.
He is currently serving his 3 year sentence. My mother has already paid several visits to the prison. She still cant believe it happened to this boy. She keeps saying, ‘I told him not to hang around those two boys (the real owners of the ivory), look what they did to him’. Its not something one wants to hear when they get themselves in such trouble, but it has to be said.
Have I changed my mind about persons being found in possession of ivory being bad people? Yes. In this poverty stricken country, you got to do what you got to do to survive. Thats all. People who hunt down elephants to people who eventually end up selling the ivory are driven by, poverty and greed. But my friend wasn’t poor. So greed.
Would I represent such people in court? No. I wouldn’t. Because if I did, they would be acquitted and that means they will go back and do the same thing again.
I love elephants.

Its August, here’s wassup;

Its August, here’s wassup;

The thought of Bill Clinton being the first male US first lady fascinates me more than Hillary Clintons presidency. He must be living the life man, like a boss. Bill…

Being known as someone who always has an opinion about something can very very hard. Its even harder for me now that I don’t care about many many things I cared about 2 years ago. Right now the most annoying thing anyone can ask me is ‘what do you think about *insert whatever random thing is going on in Malawi. Or the world*. Like go away, I don’t care. I have a baby. I have what seems to be getting to be very busy legal career. I have no time to think about what my opinion is on things. Not that I completely don’t have a stand on issues, obviously I do. But people who  ask what you think are usually already geared up with arguments ready to argue with you. Like….I am tired. This is my stand on this issue, and there is no reason why i have to argue in circles just to explain my opinion. Its just an opinion after all.
Hillary Clinton. Nomsa are you supporting her because she is a woman? Because you are a feminist? You know……Hillary Clinton is a liar..etc etc.

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Just for the record,  I am not ashamed to support women just because they are women. For many many years, men have supported men just because they were men. Even the least qualified, most corrupt and most deceitful men have been voted into power and received tremendous support just  because they were men. Now that women can be these things you demand that they be qualified, truthful, pious, honest and the rest of the bullshit. Er….sorry. Women are also capable of becoming unqualified dishonest people holding office. And I will support them either way. Not that I care much about who the US president is, but I sure hope its going to be Hillary Clinton.
Secondly, why the hell do people ask you something when they already know your answer? Isn’t this just time wasting? I’ve had people ask me things of which they clearly knew my stand, either because I have expressed them before or because I am predictable, and then go ahead to pass judgement on my character based on my answer. Ha!
If people want to throw jabs at you, why cant they just do it without hiding behind silly time wasting conversation.
I can’t wait for the US elections to be over. Its all the News talks about. Its all people on twitter,  on Facebook talk about it. Its like another annoying Brexit. It kinda does ruin the rest of the year since it wont be over until January next year. Ugh.

I wonder when our own first female president Joyce Banda will come back though. This self imposed exile isn’t doing her justice. Whats the worst that can happen to her? I know for sure, that unless she is really stupid, there is no way she can spend her life in prison for the millions or is it billions of money she allegedly stole. Maybe its good she is flashing the allegedly stolen money out of this country, because if I was a thief, I swear I wouldn’t spend my money in Malawi. The poverty you see everywhere can make you regret yout theivery. Makes me wonder how rich people manage to live in this country. Because even I, who makes very little money cringe at the sight of poverty that is everywhere in Malawi. I am even thinking of escaping. I sure don’t feel so good licking my icecream from kfc while driving past those beggars at the Mall entrance. I have to leave.

Sonita Alizadeh

I watched a documentary today about this young girl from Afghanistan called Sonita Alizadeh. She escaped a marriage that was already arranged. She escaped the Taliban. She escaped the war.
She knew she wanted to be a rapper. She cared about music and being a rapper even when she lived in a country where women are not allowed to sing, Iran.
She was turned down by many many music producers. But she never stopped.
She had a mother who was so determined about selling her off to marriage, a brother who was desperate for her sisters bride price so he could pay for his bride. Sonita thought this was stupid. It is stupid.
Her work and determination and luck, eventually took her out of Afghanistan. Watching the documentary, I thought something terrible would happen in Kabul that her trip to America would be cancelled.
People like Sonita deserve all the good things.
For showing such resistance even in the face of the toughest opponent.  For holding their ground and not being easily moved.
People like Sonita remind me that social injustices are real but theres ways to fight them. They encourage me to speak out against them. They encourage me to do more. I mean look, I don’t have the Taliban to fight with.
The story of Sonita is that of hope. That one day little girls will not be forced to marry. Or sold off to marriage. That one day little girls will not have to whisper.
I am now obsessed with Sonita, I love her music. I love the message in her music.
“Let me scream,” she raps, “I am tired of the silence.
Lift your hands off me. I feel suffocated.” ♥

6 months later.

To be quite honest, if you told me everything would be okay 6 months ago, I wouldn’t believe you. Even 3 months ago, I wouldn’t. I was told, pacha this is just a phase, but I thought the phase was taking too damn long. I wasn’t happy. One person who loved me the most died unexpectedly, I am still unable to talk about or think about his death, I don’t want to think of him as dead, because even after all these months, I don’t want him dead.

I had just had a baby, a beautiful baby girl. Her father wasn’t there when she was born and he hasn’t seen her yet. This is 6 months later. Not his family, not him. For a long time I took this personally.  Like it was a personal thing against me, like I am being punishment or hated for just being me or god-knows-what. For a long time I searched to find what was it that didn’t make him so interested in his little girl. I was angry, sad, bitter at times. It was a confusing time for me. But I realised it really has nothing to do with me. People have reasons for being what they are and doing what they do. Living each day wondering what could have or should have is a waste of time. I remember ma tante telling to forget, move forward. I lied to her several times that I did. That I was minding my own business and not stressing. When I wasn’t, when I was still trying to pull strings, lie to myself that just maybe, maybe, the smoke was still there. It wasn’t. The feelings were gone and for me, that was very hard to understand. Do I understand that now? I probably never will, I just don’t lose sleep over it. Human beings are hard to understand, thats all.

But half a year gone, I can’t believe the way things have turned around. I am definitely where I wanted to be. My mind is clean, free and working.  My heart is busy pumping blood instead of being tangled in wasteful human emotions. My voice is being directed to things that I care most for. My time is being spent with those I love and doing what I love.
Half a year later and I have discovered the value of true friendship. True friends honour you. They may not love you so much or trust you as much, but what they will not do is bring you shame. They will not let the world laugh at you at their cost. And for so long, I tolerated a friendship that disrespected and dishonoured me. I think I was stupid, no I actually was stupid. As far as I am concerned, I am the one who allowed this to happen. I am just thankful that my time of being stupid is over.
Someone asked me why I post personal things on my blog.
For the avoidance of doubt, I say again that this is a personal blog, I write about personal things, mostly about me. Mostly about me is not limited to me, but includes all the other people, unfortunately, who decide to get involved with me.
And no, I don’t have an irrational fear of sharing my personal life on my blog.
The past 6 months I haven’t posted as much, but my mind is working now. My mind is free. My thoughts are flowing. And I can’t wait to share the next 6 months with you. Trust me, it gets better…x

What I learnt from a dead decaying dog.

the dead decaying dog. It is very common to see dead dogs that have been hit by cars along the roads in Malawi. It takes days for someone to come and remove these dead dogs. I am sure it is someone’s job to remove these dogs. So a sight of a dog with its guts gushing out, flies and maggots all over it isn’t something someone should be spooked about. This is not to say our roads are littered with dead dogs. No. So
I wasn’t surprised when I saw a dead dog, pushed slightly off the road, on my way to work about a week ago. The dog seemed to have been there for not more than 4 hours. The blood was still red, it was early in the morning. I thought I would still find it on the same spot on my way back later that evening,  and yes it was. I could imagine the foul smell around it. I had my windows shut so I could smell none of it. There was people walking past it like it wasn’t there, probably holding their breath coz I saw none of them holding their nose.

The next morning,  the dead dog was still there. And the next. It lay on that busy road side for 4 days. 4 Days!!! I wasn’t going to be the one removing the dead dog, because 1. Where would I put it? 2. It was probably disgusting and had to be handled by professionals 3. I lived far from where the dead dog was, I just had to use that road. Absolutely Not my problem.

Doesn’t delaying the removal of the dead thing make it even more disgusting when you have to do it? How about the people who have their shops and houses just a few metres away, did the smell of the dead canine not bother them at all? I can imagine them chatting and complaining about the smell and doing nothing about it.

As I was thinking about this, I just got this aha! moment. Human beings have the tendency of not fixing their problems until they get worse. It could be their problems or someone elses. It just won’t be fixed until it is rotten bad. Made me reflect on how I deal with my personal problems or my friends who are in distress. I thought of and searched  if any of my friends were a bomb just waiting to blast. If I was just watching on the sides and listening to the hurt, the anger or the pain they were going through. If any. I realised that if my friends are going through shit, they  have a perfect way of hiding it. I am definitely not blind. They just seem perfect. I seem to be the imperfect.
Moving forward, I won’t let a dog rot to the point where I can’t remove the dead carcass. I don’t want dead dogs. I don’t want dead things. They must die somewhere else.